i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
