Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
