just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
