I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
