I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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