I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
she was so not down for the gang bang
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
