Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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