btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
