wakey wakey hands off snakey
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize