I can tuck mytits in my pants
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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