My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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