I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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