I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
