Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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