Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
