Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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