weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
