If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
