i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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