Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
