I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Randomize
