I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I have already put on my inside pants.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
