I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
