Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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