see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize