I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
