party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
someone owes me an orgasm
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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