Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
