I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
