I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Welp...herpes.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize