Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
