hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
