I am in a vortex of obligation.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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