I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
People with herpes should wear stickers.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
