Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
