The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
