He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
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