the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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