Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
