Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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