i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
My vagina just recognized that song.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
