do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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