At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize