had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
