it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
