We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
