remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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