There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
