I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
