we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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