I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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