I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
this boner is exhausting
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize