your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
