i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
