Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You're a waste of cheezeits
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Randomize
