I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
