and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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