I think my fart just growled at me.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
