i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
