The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
