I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
