i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
