Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
